Obama Doublespeak Decoded (part 1)

As I listen to the President-elect speak about the various issues on his agenda, I often get frustrated. Yes, elections have consequences, and he is one of them. He seems to be trying to talk the economy down, disclose his private plans, and reveal his secrets while at the same time appearing to not do any of those things. So I think he is in the Doublespeak mode, and somebody had better start decoding what he means from what he says and does. Here is my first attempt.

• stimulus plan - plan to grow government in ways that take years to implement and even longer to recover from.
• clandestine meetings with Hamas - put pressure on Israel and Hamas to make concessions, because Hamas is being treated as an equal.
• Economy is getting worse - you need my plans so badly that they must be passed ASAP with no discussion or disagreement.
• work with Congress - let Congress put it together, so they can take the blame when it doesn't work.
• Bi-partisanship - include the Republicans so they can be blamed for the inevitable failure of the resulting bills including the stimulus plan.
• tax cuts for 95% of working families - wealth transfers to those who pay no Federal income tax, while soaking "The Rich".
• Secretary of State Clinton - safe place to keep Hillary so she stays away from health care, since she is poisonous, though her plan is not significantly different from my own plan, assuming she makes it through confirmation. Watch for some reasons to pop up to keep her from taking the Sec State post, and at the same time, make her irrelevant to the political scene - Obama doesn't need her or her husband to achieve his goals.
• 3 million jobs saved or created - take credit for Bush's stimulus that is beginning to take effect, and pull in however many jobs are needed in the "saved" category as necessary to claim victory.
• recession will last for years to come - my plans will deepen the recession, but I will blame it on Bush and the Republicans, so that you won't want to vote for them, even though my plans didn't make things any better.
• deepening crisis - more reason to change form free-market capitalism to socialism, because capitalism has failed this time.
• get American working - for the government.
• reward hard working taxpayers - let them give to support those who are not working, or who are in failing businesses. Hard work is its own reward.
• talk with Iran - Obama: use dialog to help them understand that the US is no longer like Bush, so we can be trusted, and they can stop their nuclear weapons programs. Reality: make concessions to Tehran that make it impossible to support Israel properly.
• Talk with Hugo Chavez - lower US diplomatic status to that of a third world dictatorship, which is what I think we should become.
• Leon Panetta is a fine choice for the CIA - I need someone over there who I can trust to tell me everything, not do much, and make the CIA a clean, friendly organization who will stop torturing those poor misunderstood Muslims, who really just want what's best for America and to be our friends.
• End the war in Iraq - quit irritating those nice middle-eastern countries who just want to peaceably co-exist with the rest of the world.
• make healthcare affordable for all Americans - nationalize healthcare, so you don't see the cost when you go to the doctor or hospital. Let the rich, the smokers, big business and the unhealthy pay more in penalties, taxes, and fees so the rest of us don't have to.
• Secure our borders - declare the borders secure, and provide a path to citizenship for thos illegals who are here now.
• One President at a time - I don't want to talk about that. Ask me later, if you dare. Does not apply to the economy, only to Israel, and heck, to foreign policy in total, since I don't have much interest in it, nor understanding of it.
  

I'm sure there will be more definitions as words and phrases are bandied about in the never-ending campaign of Barack Obama. He seems to love looking Presidential, but is short on anything other than platitudes and rehetoric.